Being broke is something that most people really don’t like. Let’s think about it for a moment. It usually conjures up images of not enough of food, resources, fun… just about anything! And the longer one sits in the place of feeling broke, well, the longer it lasts.

So what can be good about being broke? Actually, quite a bit if you really think about it. You just have to look for the gold buried in the coal.  Ok, I really have no idea if you can find gold in coal, but you know what I mean!

10 Benefits Of Being Broke

1. You do not have to decide how to spend the money you do have. This can be a welcome break when you’ve been stressing about how to or not to spend your money.
2. You get to look around for items you no longer want or need and sell them. I’m not talking about Grandma’s heirloom jewelry that you cherish, but I am talking about those work clothes you no longer fit into or find fit your style.  Taking items to a consignment shop or selling on Ebay is a good experience to have and brings someone else a little something they feel like they want.
3. It might just spur you to reduce your expenses, at least for a time. Why would this be good?  It is always good to strip one’s self down a notch as far as material or luxury possessions go.  It keeps one humble.  I’m not talking about suffrage, just a slight removal from thinking things have to be “just so”.
4. You start thinking about why you’re broke. This definitely is a starting point.  Is it over spending?  Is it attitude?  Is it the job?  Is it lack of education or skills… or faith?  What is it?  Regardless, if you start trying to find the “cause”, you’ll eventually find it.
5. Looking for things to do that don’t cost money. Searching out resources for no cost fun will take you to the true beauty of our world, if you let it.  Nature, the wonder of children, and public places offer more entertainment value than many paid excursions.  Take some time to be with the cloudy sky, let the wind whistle along side your face, take a walk, feel the crunch of leaves underfoot.  Allow the bounty of our Universe into your being and you will find that there is plenty to “do” that doesn’t cost a thing.
6. You just might consider changing your relationship with money. It was once said that the love of money is the root of all evil.  Wait a minute!  The love of money as evil?! How about you can love what you do with it, but not love it?  Or maybe it’s just fine to love it.  Anyhow, being broke is certainly an opportunity to look into your relationship with money.
7. It is likely you will reduce your impact on pollution and the environment. With less money it is likely you will be more conscious of what you do buy.  (Come on, we all know how to scrounge for change, you know you will come up with some).  When you’re scrimping on expenditures you will probably spend less on the “junky” stuff that you’d end up disposing of later.
8. Possibly this experience will create a new sense of resourcefulness within you. You may need to seek out financial support in ways you did not previously imagine.  Who knows… you might even meet some interesting people!
9. You may just discover your true heart’s longing. Everyone has a dream they want to fulfill, a service they want to provide to participate in the giving and receiving cycle of life.  Something about being broke (especially for what may feel like is perpetually) can take one to the place where a joyous life purpose is revealed.  It does not have to be sought after, though, for it is within waiting to be discovered at the perfect time.
10. In your desire to not be broke, you launch a super strong desire to find your way out of being broke. When you choose to follow that desire you will undoubtedly come to know the truth: the only thing separating you from financial freedom is a collage of thoughts and beliefs about money.  Does this make it your fault?  No, it just means you are the creative power in your life and you can have a harmonious life, if you choose.  Don’t believe it?  Start over at benefit #1.

I’ve been on a mission to hear the voice of my Inner Self for a while now. Kind of funny, since she’s always with me. Always has been, too.

I often hear Her while in meditation as I close and she says, “Okay, now go play!” but that is focused time where my mind is quiet. To allow the simple voice of my Self to show during the rigors of the day has been a bit more of a challenge.

I’ve asked my angels, which I think of as Her, for assistance here and there, but I’m not sure I’ve always been listening for the answer. I think a lot and that doesn’t always leave a lot of room for Her to come through.

The other day I asked for assistance in finding my son’s shoe. We were running a bit late and we’d found one, but not the other. He had boots on, but they were rubber rain boots and he didn’t want to play in them at the gym. So I took a breath and asked, “Can you please help me find Martin’s shoe?”

And then I heard her. She was so soft and gentle. Nothing like the critical voice I’d heard for much of my life inside this pretty head of mine. I walked over to the area where I’d found the first shoe and she said so lovingly, “Check in the basket, keep looking.” And there was the shoe.

What did I say?

With a smile on my face, “Thank You.”

When I was a child, I often had a recurring dream, or night mare rather. It went something like this: I was cleaning up a mess. a really huge mess. Maybe it was toys, or clothes, or just stuff. Regardless, I would try and try to clean it up and it was still there. In mounds, mounds taller than I was, larger than I was. And suddenly, it would be a peaceful off white glowing of an atmosphere. All of the mess was gone. I was gone. It was just nothingness, peace. But it only lasted a millisecond. And then the mess was there, to clean up again. Sometimes I woke up in the mess, other times I woke up in the peace.

Through out my life that night mare has haunted me, and much during my parenting career. Kids just have a way of bringing stuff up, don’t they? The little one year old who takes things out, and puts them in, and pours them here, and there, and everywhere. The older kids who make endless forts and castles, beds and who knows what’s with clothes, blankets, and miscellaneous *stuff*. And nothing stays in its place! AAAAaaaahhh! Or at least that’s how I used to feel.

I noticed today as I surveyed the scene, that the old night mare is fading. I look around and see that in the last 24 hours 3 colored pencils, 13 little toys, and who knows how many crumbs (?!) have gathered along the outside of the wall in the dining room as well as at least 3 blankets, one full clean (!) load of laundry, assorted dress up clothes, and several stuffed animals have been strewn (carefully, I’m sure) around the neighboring living room. There are dishes in the sink, frosted cookies on the counter, bits of this and that from snack time sitting on the table, and oh, did I mention there are smiles on my children’s faces?

While I took note of these facts regarding the untidiness of my home, I breathed a sigh of relief in the truth that, “dirt keeps”. I’ve been saying it to new mothers for my entire La Leche League Leader career. “Let the housework go a bit, let the children play, it’s no worry, your time with your baby is what matters, the work will get done eventually, dirt keeps!” And now I finally feel like I am taking my own advice. It’s okay if the house is not “tidy” and “neat”. We’re enjoying life here. We have messes to clean up, but at least I allow us to make them.

In my early efforts to resist the fear of my childhood night mare, I tried to thwart the efforts of messy play. And the kids would say in their own way, “But it’s so fun, let us play!” And my breath would hasten and my being constrict at the sight of the mess.

I am thankful to say that I have finally come to the place in my journey where I can look around and fully accept, without constriction, that the mess is just a mess. Easily cleaned up in a relatively short chunk of focused time, when I actually choose to do that. And in itself just a demonstration that people actually live here in our home, joyfully.

I almost want to go to sleep and invite the old night mare to visit me so I can choose the peace that I so fleetingly experienced when I was a child… or maybe I already have, this time while I’m awake.

As I sat in meditation this morning, my eyes opened as Robert made his way to listen for his ride to work.  Sassy, the black cat, sleekly sat in front of the window covered with the tree of life, eyes widening and again becoming closed.  The bright sun streamed through the one bare window as the snow covered tree reminded me of winter’s brisk beauty.

Robert opened the door again to listen and that’s when I heard them.  The birds.  Singing.  On this crisp, frozen morning so cold school was cancelled, the birds are singing joyfully.  Singing their song, “A Promise of Spring”.  It was as if their song emitted, “Oh it’s cold and you humans have been inside… It feels for so long, but here we sing, to bring you A Promise of Spring!”  And I do say Thank You kind Birds, Thank You Sunshine .  For your promises of warmth, new beginnings, and growth.  I was definitely in need of a reminder that this wonderful winter of introspection will soon shift.

Oh Great Spirit
Help me always to speak the truth quietly,

to listen with an open mind when others speak,

and to remember the peace that may be found in silence.

What we really are matters more than what others think of us.

~Jawaharlal Nehru

If you’re reading this, chances are you fit into one or more of these categories:

• are a friend or loved one of mine
• are interested in what I write
• are intrigued by the idea that we create our own reality (or experience of it)
• would like to *make sense* of this idea

Here’s my ever evolving take, with a little history.

A close friend who is very good at holding me accountable in my life, Nadine, asked me if I was ready for a change.

I was certainly at a point where I wanted to be done with victim hood. I wore the hat proudly for many years, while trying to make it invisible most of the time. Except for the times I longed to identify with others, to feel one, part of the group, like I absolutely had something in common with others and they would like and support me for it. But the hat had become glaringly apparent and experience after experience kept “happening” to me. I emailed Nadine over and over and finally, she asked what it would take for me to stand up for Me. She had an answer if I was willing to entertain it. So I sent a $100 deposit to a self-improvement workshop she recommended and committed to figure out a way to get myself across the country to actually participate.

This was a soft boot camp style introduction into the idea that we create our own reality. I didn’t know that at the time, though. I just viewed it as an opportunity to break free from what I was experiencing. As we weaved our way through what brought us to the workshops, and a myriad of other activities to expose and release old thought patterns, I felt better than I had in a long time. Free. Free to be myself.

At the end of the first workshop, Journey, we were challenged to do something I couldn’t really even comprehend. The idea was to take an experience that we viewed as awful, done to us, absolutely sure we were the victim, and turn the table to explain how we could have created it. I was flabbergasted. I had such an experience I’d been carrying with me for over 15 years and I just could not even think how I created it. NO way.

But it was part of the workshop to consider this and as I sat across from the woman who I had experienced through out the 36 hour seminar to be very loving, I grasped at words to explain how I could have possibly been at fault for this experience. And there’s the kicker. Don’t many of us think that’s what it means when we think of an experience that is so bad, and then consider the perspective that we created it?!?! Please read my post The Role of Guilt to explore this phenomenon and ideas on how to release it.

So I took the time to look at this experience from a new perspective, and that truly was my first step into entertaining that this idea that we create our own reality may actually be something of value. But it didn’t feel very good with the mindset and patterns of thought I had going at the time. I chose to play a little more with the idea, then I left it alone for almost 5 years.

More to come.

This has been circling around me a lot and I want to share its pertinence here – then I’m going to rest my body! I do love to write…

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ by Marianne Williamson, from Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

In my life experience, the weight of the word is like an anchor heavy enough to stall the Titanic. We’ve all heard someone say, “Shame on you”. Whether the words were uttered directly, under the breath, or to someone else, we can all associate with the feeling that follows. I have to say www.freedictionary.com sums it up rather well: “a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace”.

Now, this also deserves some consideration, in my opinion. Along side its sister, guilt, the feeling of shame really points to worthiness, or rather a lack of. So while guilt incites a feeling of, “I have done something wrong,” shame is a deeper accompanying feeling of, “I’m so wrong, maybe I don’t deserve to be here”. Which if we delve even a little further into the abyss, we may find translates into, “Maybe I don’t deserve to be alive“. Whoa. Did I really write that?! Yes. It’s true. These feelings we identify with hold power in our lives. I’m here to name them. In naming, we can get it out and let it through.

To think we are not worthy of living, being here, ultimately of Love itself… well, how does that feel when you read it? Relatively hopeless I imagine. And yet I suspect many of us have felt shame at one point or another. The real unfortunate circumstance is when it affects us through out our life. In those dark, sad moments does that feeling come to surface? The one that tugs and pulls you deeper, lower. Or have you come to see the little bit of light shining through?

This one is like a scab for me. I see it’s there. I know it’s healing. Yet I want to pick it off and see the clear, new skin glowing underneath. And of course that’s not how the human body heals; the psyche either. However, do I blame my childhood for the wounds? Blame parents, teachers, family, friends, society at large?! Oh no, we’ll cover that one next. I come back to the perspective at hand: we create our own experience of reality.

In that aspect, shame is something someone else has indicated we *should* feel. For something we have done wrong, out of line, outside of cultural norms, essentially not what that particular person wanted of us in that particular moment. Maybe even we are the person inflicting the shame upon ourselves. We have come to understand the ins and outs of our society, what is expected, what can surpass being wrong, definitely what is considered right and reward worthy. So shame can equate to guilt in this sense.

The decisions are the same. Initially we take it on because it’s what is done in our family, what is done in our circle, what is done in our society. And then at some point we realize it has no place in our life. That it is only serving to hold us back, in the darkness, away from the light we so much seek. I mean, even in our daily lives, don’t we long for the sun to shine? Sitting in an office all day or waiting for the rainy skies to clear, we all love the unending warmth of the sun. Even when it’s cold, it’s radiance can be felt through the crispness of a winter day.

Whether or not we’ve felt as low as I describe above, we are all deserving of Life. We are also deserving of Love. Just simply because we are alive.  Our society may tell us otherwise, but I choose to believe each person who arrives here deserves these gifts, to know they are worthy, and of value, just because they are human. Of course what conflicts here is our own idea of what level of wrong doing can determine one does not deserve to live. (This is not a discussion about abortion or the death penalty…just about Life and Love)

So let’s just go back to the basics. We all start out as infants. Most can agree that an infant deserves to live. It is at this basic level that we grasp our mother and actually need her to emanate the feeling of, “I love you just because you are, just because you’re alive.” And most mothers do. As we grow, we do things that come across as societally wrong and the game begins. We know that if someone does ‘X’ or ‘Y’ or ‘Z’ it is likely they will be sent away (even if it be to a ‘time out’), locked up, heavily medicated, or maybe even beaten and/or killed. We begin comparing ourselves with them or others we perceive as bad and the shame sets in. We question our worth as human beings.

And again I say, we are all worthy. All of us. When we realize we are all equal, that we all deserve Love and that we all have the same value, no matter what, we can begin to put the pieces together. It may be hard to stomach, but when you accept that everyone is worthy, it means you know deep down that you are, too. And that is a glorious moment.

I see the sign

It reads words of the great

MLK.

Hate cannot drive out hate,

only love can do that.

Layers

How can we get to the Love

as it seems to be buried

beneath

the

Layers.

Layers from outside,

from these worldly ways,

from the looks,

the words,

the feelings,

the grand whole of experiences.

Layers.

We cover the desire

burning desire,

the need

to feel

Love.

Drinking

Smoking

Eating

TVing

Binging

More TV

Computer

Look away

Zone out

ignore

pacify

medicate

ignore some more

the need

need for Love

Layers.

Peeling away

sometimes chipping

oh and that hurts;

we feel we need

the Layers.

Some have many

while others wish to see

through

to the core…

that still

sparkly place

where Love

lies,

waiting beneath

the Layers.